Can I tell her to harden up.. politely?
I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and I have been unwell since I was 11, I'm now 21. I've been unable to do a lot things, but have done my very best and seem to some how get through things even though I'm in excruciating pain and so exhausted. A lot of it has been mind over matter and I just have to put the pain to one side and do my best.
A girl I know, through a support group for young people with chronic pain, posts at least 3 times a day on her Facebook about how much pain she's in..
This was tonight's post "Pain is a pain in the ass! Im tryin 2 be positive & I'll never give up but this amount of pain is just crazy! It doesnt make sense how I can live & even type this while in such excruciating pain everywhere! I feel like shit 24/7 & hav 4 3 yrs! I shouldnt complain tho coz it cud b a lot worse ? I'll be ok, I hav my family, friends & music:) never take anythin 4 granted! I realize that more & more everyday?"
She's only 15 but she sits in a chair all day and does nothing. Her parents give her a lot of attention every time she complains.
Would it be out of line for me to email her and tell her that I know it sucks, I've been there, but you have to just do stuff even though it hurts.
She's not a close friend, so I don't really care if she gets angry and doesn't want to talk to me anymore, but I think it might help her.
Should I email her? Or her Mum and tell them my experience and how you just have to harden up basically..?
Thanks.
Public Comments
1. Ugh I hate when people complain on their FB statuses.I think you should do it. I don't see how you can just ignore her without constantly "biting your tongue". Just email her and tell her your story. I'm sure her other FB friends are tired of hearing her complain too.
2. Ok, hide her from your newsfeed so you dont have to be updated with her updates.
Dont bother emailing her, its a waste of your time and i dont think it will make any difference to her.
Hope I helped. x
3. Yeah, Ik it can be aggravating when someone complains to FB, haha I've done it before. But you just got to learn to mind your own business and don't bother with what other people say in less it's towards you. I absolutely hate when people make comments to me on FB that are necessarily right to say. Trust me, it will just make her upset, and please don't do that to her. Just please mind your own business, because I've had people make comments on my status and I thought it was slightly rude and insulting.
4. I have Fibromyalgia too and everything that goes with it - IBS, Migraines, pain in general and perhaps hers is just worse than yours. Great for you that you can just get up and get on with it but it's not so easy for everyone. She's 15 and 15 year olds tend to be dramatic. You've been dealing with it for 10 years and she's had it for 3 years so you have a lot of experience over her. Just let her get it out. We all know that we deal with things differently. Maybe letting people know and getting it out there is how she does it because you probably know as well as I do that if you tell people you can't do something because you don't feel well, you'll often get the "It's not like you have Cancer" retort. Or at least I've gotten that.
5. I know someone like that---a middleage adult-so the teen drama theory might not bethe issue-she has gotten every condition I have..brain injury, TMJ, plantar fasciitis, FMS...and i'm probably forgetting some..
she tries to crack her jaw for TMJ-but can't
sh tried to find a dent in her skull from her 'brain injury' but couldn't
she dances areound complaining about the plantar fasciitis pain..an goes on and on every time i talk to he about the FM pain
she willingly walks he dogs a few hours/day minium
willfully sleeps less than 6 hours....works in the medical field but gets basic facts about FMS wrong--like tlking about the inflmmaion which doesn'texist in FMS
the funny thing is-she NEVER mentiond any symtoms until she found out I had certain condtions....i stopped telling her--I had plantar fasciitis for 6 months before the pain caught me off gard and she found it...
some people learn tht beingsick gets attention....and the only way they ca be happy is to complain about their health to get attention.
I might tell her how it make me feel (put off) by the constant complaining.....its one thing to mention it sometimes ( I rarely mention it),...another to dump on others all the time
i wouldn't tell her directly--she and her parents won't listen..they need to discover the problem on their own--or with the help of a professional
when people post things publically they are making it your business
6. First of all, she needs to understand fibromyalgia by reading about it!
7. You can email her and tell her to, but you need to realise that some people just have no other way to vent. I do the same thing sometimes, but usually it's after a seizure (combine postictal pains with endometriosis and fibro and you create a hormonal monster with me, hahaha!). She seems to have a support network though. Tell her that the more she complains, the less people are going to take her seriously if she is ever in a lot worse pain than she is now. Tell her that she WILL have to get up and do things to take care of herself and it WILL get a lot worse sometimes. She needs to work on that thick skin now.
